We are early when we arrive in Florence and check into our pre-booked private room at the International Student Hostel, so we leave our luggage with Guiseppe (owner of the establishment) and walk 5 minutes to the restaurant that he recommends. We order a typical Italian 3-course meal and impulsively, enthusiastically talk about what each other had experienced (and still experiencing) in our recent 10-day inner journey.
One topic of particular interest that arose was that of my inspiration to write to share about my “transformation,” not only of the processes during these last several days, but ever since becoming conscious of my deep-seated feelings of discontentment – that something is wrong. A burgeoning inkling that “Surely life has got to be better than this,” that only swelled the older I got. Starting with a brief account of my life’s spiritual journey, here is an attempt:
My breakthrough on the third day of the Landmark Forum (2005?) was the pivotal turning point of my life. In an instance, something shifted. And I felt I was seeing through new eyes. I vividly remember feeling sensations of calm frenzy as I sat in my chair wide eyed, open mouthed, with the 100 or so other fortuitous participants on the course. Whatever this was, I wanted more! So over the next couple of years, I unflinchingly registered for the Advanced Course, the Communication Courses, and the Introduction Leaders Program. Being inherently shy, I found these programs extremely confronting thus ultimately valuable. But the experience of enlightenment I had felt in the Forum continued to elude me, and after struggling painfully for 3 months (out of 6) in the ILP, I gave up. Dejected and worn out, I went on to live my life with whatever acquired practical ideology I had learned from Landmark Education, to which I am very grateful. My life had changed dramatically. From an unsuccessful part-time architectural undergraduate and full-time pot head, I set out, probably not fully aware of my intentions at this point, to create a better life. I transferred credits and easily completed a degree in psychology in 3 semesters. I figured I could find out the cause of my misery if I studied the brain and human behavior, MY behavior. Upon graduation I felt as lost than I was when I started out registering for psychology 100 papers a year and a half ago. After a little deliberation it was easy to decide that my liberation was not in academia and I was to search elsewhere. I decided to have fun and after subsequently completing professional training requirements, I found tremendous delight and satisfaction as a personal trainer. Nonetheless, these feelings of elation slowly and gradually subsided. The feeling of “Surely life has got to be better than this,” still loomed and proliferated in the background.
I turned increasingly to guidance in books, from reading painfully embarrassing self-help paperbacks to seeking wisdom in the great saints and sages of eastern and western religious literature. The latter continues to be a tremendous source of interest and inspiration for me.
During my training as a fitness trainer, a classmate had noticed my interest in eastern religions and one day serendipitously made known to me a particular type of meditation called vipassana, and of the meditation center north of Auckland that accepted curious students free of charge provided that we undertake certain conditions required to learning this particular style meditation. Among these are:
- - The resolution to stay the entire length of the course – 10 days.
- - To undertake sila (morality). This consists of 5 precepts: Abstaining from lying, stealing, killing, sexual misconduct, and taking any form of intoxicants.
- - Undertake noble silence throughout the duration of the course.
- I complete my first 10-day course the week before I started personal training, and the experience was profound. I had for the first time in my life tasted unimaginable spiritual awakening. Akin to that third pivotal day in the Forum, I stood under the open sky at twilight gazing up at the full moon in indescribable awe and reverence for existence. From extraordinary instances throughout these 10 days of observing my inner reality, there was no doubt in my mind that this was the answer to my hankering deep-rooted question of “There’s got to be more to life than this!”
I had found God.
I am very much aware that I am now confronted with the intricate challenge of answering the question “But what difference does it make?” And I am under no illusion that I will be able to achieve this in a single blog. However, I am elated that I finally have this blog (and my life!) as an avenue to share the biggest secret hidden from humankind.
“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
