Sleeplessness..

I have so much running through my mind tonight that I've decided to get out of bed to write them down. Much has transpired yesterday and today and is probably the reason for my sleeplessness.

Yesterday, Amber and I were outside the MRT (metro) station returning from town. I almost collided with a middle-aged local guy in a business suit who was walking out of the station completely transfixed on his handheld, his partner girlfriend doing exactly the same alongside him. Disgruntled, I sidestepped to avoid plowing into him and to my horror I glimpsed the game he was so immersed in. I was appalled to see this person in such a rush, almost oblivious to his surroundings, preoccupied on something so frivolous!

It has almost become a daily occurrence to walk into a shopping mall and feel absolutely engulfed by overwhelming external stimuli. I recall Amber and I walking into Bugis Junction last week. A surge of cold air (air-conditioning) accompanied by the blaring audio and visual sensations of people frenziedly going about their business left me stunned and disoriented.

Today, dad, Amber and I spent the afternoon together in Jurong Bird Park. I had heard many wonderful things about Singapore's Night Safari and how much effort was taken in keeping the animals within their natural habitat. I assumed that my experience of Jurong Bird Park would be similar to what I had anticipated. The first enclosure we came across was the 'World of Darkness' which exhibits various species of owl. I was disconcerted to find beautiful but expressionless birds confined to "cells" decorated with artificial trees painted white to imitate snow (Snow owl exhibit) and surrounded by cement walls with amateurishly painted backdrops of mountains or forests. I gazed at a snow owl huddled emotionlessly against the back wall to spend a few moments in empathy. In those moments I saw that the owl was completely aware of the unnaturalness of its "habitat", and its wretched state of affliction. What is it about man that he finds it perfectly civilized to put living creature in a cage for most if not all of its life for our entertainment, or "education." This instigated more horrific images of other inhumane practices around the world like Spanish bullfighting and Chinese circus bears. Needless to say I left the enclosure feeling despondent.

This evening we got home and dad told us that Juergen (my auntie Glenna's husband) had passed away. He had been battling, but not being seriously hampered by his illness for many months now and only in these last few days did his health deteriorate significantly. Amber and I had stayed at his magnificent home in North Carolina during the middle part of our round-the-world adventure and are pleased to have had gotten to know him. His passing has considerably affected us here in Singapore and especially dad who in light of this is naturally is mulling over his own mortality. In myself, it has incited curiosity and futile contemplation over what happens to the person/soul/spirit after the body dies. So in the last 5-10 minutes of this evenings meditation, I found it appropriate to meditate on my feelings of appreciation to Juergen, to what he had accomplished on this earth, and to bid him farewell. My thoughts now rest with my grieving auntie Glenna.

2:54AM. Good night!

L-R: Juergen, me, Amber, Glenna, Sven

MIA

Since arriving in Singapore, the proclivity to share my life experiences has diminished significantly. Mostly likely due to the fact that I am back 'home' in familiar surroundings. The immense feelings of wonderment of discovering a foreign land is gone and although Singapore has changed dramatically since I last lived here, I feel I have succumbed to a certain degree of ennui that comes from living in opulence and comfort. Funnily, this reminds me of the story of Siddhartha Gautama who left his kingly inheritance to live a life of an ascetic in search of enlightenment. I have always empathized with his yearning.

It's 520pm here at Toast Box, Tiong Bahru. I am waiting for Amber to come back from her now-almost 1.5 hour long interview with Montessori Learning Centre and getting a little anxious. She is settling in very well and looking forward to beginning her new career as a tutor. The fact that she has already found lucrative work with relative ease has made me somewhat bothered about having not yet found something comparable.

Yesterday, dad invited my cousin and Elin over for 'scrabble night.' It was thoroughly enjoyable and although dad quietly escaped to go to bed later in the night, the 4 of us remained for subsequent games of Boogle. I am looking forward to more!

Good morning, Singapore.

Good morning, Singapore. I got up this very early this morning from a peculiar dream. I recall running through a dingy open-air car park, hounded by large muscled dogs left and right nipping at my waist and fingers. I moved quickly with slight tinges of fear and anger at the uncomfortableness of my situation. I get to a fence, and open a small gate. The dogs, caught up with each others' excitement, chase each other out the gate in front and away from me. I cross the fence and head the other direction still feeling inclined to 'get away' or 'go someplace.' I see an old house-mate, Richard Barrett, who seemed somewhat to be in the same predicament as mine, except he is on a superbly enormous and magnificent brown horse. He has a passenger, who alights and walks with me to our unknown destination, while Richard rides of ahead of us, leaving me with my all-too-familiar sentiments of "Why didn't you give me a lift?" followed by "It doesn't matter, I'd rather walk than ask for your help anyway."

So I awoke at 4am this morning and unsuccessfully tried to get back to sleep. Instead of laying there wide-eyed and awake a moment longer, I decided to meditate. Last night I fell asleep on the couch and missed evening meditation with Amber. When I got up and crawled into bed, she was still in meditation. I went straight to bed. So this was making up for it. Looked at my watch - 4:48am. Later when I checked again, 5:58am. I have never sat through an entire sitting for over an hour without fidgeting, so I was astounded to find that 70 minutes had passed without me having to change my position.

Anyway, I realize it has been a long while since I've last blogged. So much has happened and gone by in such a blur that now it's seems like such an insignificant memory. I will not relate everything that I feel stands out, but I will give these a mention+photos, as they seem salient in my mind and memory.

Amber, with that big cheesy grin, looks like the
newest addition in the cast of Avenue Q! :}

Dinner before Avenue Q at Wyndham Theatre.

Big Ben

London Eye lost much of its appeal when I found out
about the Singapore Flyer.

Charlotte, Brendan with baby who we stayed
with in Walthamstow, London

Westminster Chapel

Regents Park social, London

It's been a week since Amber and I landed in Singapore, and although I have been feeling like my round-the-world adventure has come to an end, I have to constantly remind myself that it is not so for Amber. In fact, she has expressed, and I have remarkably seen in her eyes, the befuddlement of culture shock! I too, have noticed how different Singaporeans are from everyone else we have experienced (NZ, Europe, Costa Rica) - how differently everyone looked and behaved. I jokingly mentioned once to Amber - "No wonder I've always felt that "I don't fit in."* Everything and everyone here seems so foreign and alien!" (*One of the many distinctions that I discovered about myself in Landmark Education was the notion that I always felt "different")

It's been wonderful and invaluable watching Amber's "transformation" since our first stop in Los Angeles, where we went into a shopping mall and all Amber wanted to do was leave. Now, I amusingly watch her mosey from fashion store to fashion store looking for new clothes to wear. Granted, we do need proper clothes now that we are living and soon to be working in a very cosmopolitan city. I guess what it is I longingly recognize in her eyes is the losing of oneself in the experience of discovering a new world or reality, and realizing that what you thought you knew about the world and yourself, is only an iota of what reality is, and you can never be sure that what you know is real - or can you?

It's come 7am, and I told myself to take no longer than an hour to complete this blog. So I will end this entry by uploading the last of these photos. Among them is the very lavish renovated Bali-inspired flat where we are living that belongs to my dad, who has very generously let us use the master bedroom while we are in Singapore. 

Living room with entrance to master BR through glass dooron the right

Bedroom

The "kampong" in us - Eating durian as a family

Amber tasting her first durian. She didn't like it.

Siregar's